Choosing The People You Want By Your Side

I have no idea how this is such an easy task for men to complete, but Josh literally has no issue with choosing his future groomsmen. I, on the other hand, had a very difficult time choosing my bridesmaids because girlfriends are like gangs and when in a gang you get close to a lot of different people and then they get territorial over you and it becomes no fun anymore to have to choose some of them to be your bridesmaids. We decided on five maybe six in the future, for our bridal party, this was mainly Josh's choice because he has a very tight knit group of friends, whereas I have a few super close friends and a lot of good friends.

I wanted my bridal party to be made up of people who have been important to me at different stages in my life but that I haven't really lost touch with. Obviously my sister was the easiest pick, it would be pretty hard to find anyone who has cared about me longer than her, but the next easiest choice was my best friend Courtney who i've been best friends with since we toddlers. We've been planning our weddings, kids names, and dream homes since we were little girls and it wouldn't be my perfect wedding without her standing beside me. I had thought about adding more people from home, but truth be told, my life has changed drastically since I've lived at home, most of them have either never met Josh or dont know our life together very well so it just didn't make sense to me.

The Mount on the other hand was the birthplace of our relationship and I have met some of the people who I REALLY grew up with at the Mount. During my first two years at the mount Jenny, Sarah and I were completely inseparable, which was not always beneficial to our grades or the health of our liver, In my third year when we stopped living in the same building we weren't quite as inseparable but they were still the two people that I confided in, that I got silly drunk with and that I needed in my life to keep me sane. Britt and I didn't become overly close until our third year of university. I like to call Britt my easy friend (not that way, mind out of the gutter). She has this totally laid back and easy going personality, she is so fun to be around, always available for a talk or a beer and I am always happy and calm when I am around her!

I chose these girls because they are the friends that I never want to lose touch with, that I can trust with anything and everything and that will put my best interest first. What I've noticed over the past month is that the three or four people that deserve to be in my wedding party just as much as the above mentioned girls have been so unbelievably supportive towards me because I think that they know that it was a difficult decision for me and that I still want them to be a part of the planning and everything like that; whereas, there is another small group of girls who probably will not understand or be okay with the fact that they are not on this list and ironically enough they aren't people that I think deserve to stand for me.


I ALSO OBVIOUSLY CHOSE THEM BASED ON THEIR ATTRACTIVENESS AS YOU CAN SEE BELOW:

So future brides, here is my best advice on how to choose these important people: Choose people who actually care about you, who you dont want to lose touch with ever, who you think will put your opinion above their own when it comes to your day, who will wear a smile on their face no matter what dress you put them in and who will help you organize your special day with excitement. I also tried to focus on where people would be in a couple of years. If I wasn't going to see someone for two years, chances are we might grow a bit apart, that's life, so distance and the likely effort I would put into seeing them factored into my decision making.

Church or No Church?

This has been the latest debate in the planning process; do we want to get married in a church or not? Just for some background, because this may not be a debate for everyone, Josh and I were both raised catholics and have since become bad catholics in the sense that we dont go to church anymore, but it is still a part of who we both are. We are debating between a church wedding (not a full mass, fret not), an outdoor wedding or some sort of alternative to both. This weekend while we were in Cape Breton we decided to weigh our options more seriously. Here were our pros and cons for all three options:

Church: Pros: 1. We love the history and architecture of a church
                       2. Chelsea has always dreamt of the double doors opening and walking down the aisle
                           with her dad
                       3. It would please our grandmothers
                       4. You dont have to worry about rain
             Cons: 1. Marriage counselling (If you get married in the Catholic Church you are required to do
                           three days of marriage counselling.
                       2. We didn't want a priest who preached a significant amount to our wedding goers
                       3. I want my own music, not churchy music
                       4. There are several catholic churches that wont allow your dad to walk you down the
                           aisle

Outdoor: Pros: 1. Beautiful Scenery
                        2. Short Ceremony
                        3. Our own music
               Cons: 1. Weather can ruin everything
                         2. Backup plans are usually ugly
                         3. Bugs, Heat and HUGE COST in some cases

Alternative: Pros: 1. All the benefits of an outdoor wedding without having to worry about the weather
                   Cons: 1. Huge Cost, No options available in Cape Breton

So obviously the alternatives were out. As for outdoor weddings, I am convinced it will rain on my wedding and I am kind of telling myself it will so that, if it does, I wont be disappointed. I dont think I could deal with the stress of waiting for two years to find out if I get to married where I planned to get married and like I wrote, I always find that the back up plans for outdoor weddings are ugly and that's because no one wants to put that much effort into a backup plan. I always dreamed of getting married on the lawn of the Inverary Inn in Baddeck, that dream was shot down when they sent me their wedding package "deals" WAY out of our budget.

With all of that said, I was still very hesitant about getting married in a church because of the marriage counselling, the priest and the rules. I was able to talk to a lot of people this weekend who got married in the catholic churches of Cape Breton and through that I learned a few things about a couple of churches. The church I wanted to get married in was the big one in Bras D'or, that idea was quickly shut down when I learned that the priest wouldn't let my dad walk me down the aisle. The last thing I want is an anal priest. Someone suggested the big grey church in North Sydney apparently they have a new young and very nice priest. The good thing about this priest is that Josh's father golfs with the retired priest from that church who is apparently hilarious and easy going. So now our goal is to get married in that church with the funny old priest and just suck it up and get through the marriage counselling.

Next stop Reception Venue!

 St. Joseph's

The Good Things In Life

Well incase you are completely tuned out of the Facebook world, you should know that I finally have a niece! Sophie Shea Stewart was born on March 21st, 2012 and is a little seven pound bundle of joy!

It has been nice to take a break from wedding stuff, snuggle a newborn and get some last minute school things done before practicum begins.


Welcome to the world my little flower girl!

 

 my little angel!

First Dress Shopping Experience

Heavenly - Yesterday I went for my first dress shopping experience with my mom and my good friend Emma. We went to Felicity Bridal on Hollis Street and they gave us a wonderful experience (I've heard mixed reviews about Winchester's).

I have a pretty solid idea of what I want to look like on my wedding day, which somewhat differs from what Josh would want me to look like on my wedding day, but its the dress i've been dreaming about my whole life so obviously I'm going to choose what I want. I've always wanted a timeless dress, I'm not into these new trends like feathers and lots of pickups. I love a good old fashion lace dress that is romantic and sexy in its simplicity. Josh loves satin a-lines and ball gowns (god help me). I didn't want to limit myself though in my first shopping experience and I wanted to make sure I actually did like what I thought I liked going into it, so I tried on lace, satin, chiffon and all different cuts. Turns out I look good in what I thought I liked.

I ended up falling in love with the first dress I tried on, which I feel like no girl really wants to do but I proceeded to try on seven or so more dresses to try and beat it with no such luck. I found two favorites but the first one just stole my heart. I'm obviously not going to post pictures of my favorites because 1. Josh reads the blog and 2. I want to keep it as much of a surprise as possible.

To try and combat Josh's love for big gowns I tried on a very full skirted dress with a cathedral train. Gorgeous dress but it swallowed me whole and I hate heavy dresses! I think I got my point across when I showed him the picture. I also tried on a mermaid and while I loved how it showed off my curves particularly my child bearing hips, I felt like a penguin and if I can't walk in a dress, then I certainly wont be able to dance in one. I also decided I didn't like empire waist that flares out from there, which surprised me because a lot of dresses I loved in looking at magazines were this waistline.

I really liked only having two people with me for my first time trying on dresses. It was nice to not have a million opinions thrown at me and to find out exactly what I WANT before I bring the whole motley crue with me. Too often I see girls trying to put you in their dream dresses but I'm pretty good at putting people in their place so I'm not too concerned about it, plus all my girls know exactly what I want but it was a peaceful and nice experience with just Mom and Emma!

Overall, I was thrilled with the shop, the bridal consultant and my first shopping experience, overall. I still plan to go to Winchester's to see the rest of my options but I'm pretty obsessed with the first dress!

Here are some pictures:

 the only satin dress i tried on... it was aiight

the beast dress to show josh how ugly it was

The mermaid, so uncomfortable

To Buy a Wedding Planner or Not...

I would like to start by saying that if you can afford to hire a professional wedding planner or you dont want to do the labour work of planning a wedding, by all means, save yourself the stress and annoyance and hire one.

They are expensive though, so we have opted not to hire one and to do it ourselves. Apart from the expense i'm the type of person who likes the gratification of going to an event and knowing I made it happen. The next question I had after we made that decision was; is it worth buying a wedding planning book/ organizer? So naturally I put it out to facebook (best way to get quick answers) and I got mixed reviews. Most people said they barely used theirs and that it was too much to fill in, others suggested I use websites like theknot.com or mywedding.com (both are excellent) and most just told me to start my own binder. I decided to go searching anyway, I am signed up with both of those websites and while they are useful, I am the type of person who needs hardcopies of everything.

So Josh and I trekked out to Chapters one afternoon and spent about a half hour looking at the numerous options that they had for us. Immediately I eliminated all of them that didn't allow me to add things either via a binder or file folder. I also eliminated all the ones that had mostly U.S. content. Then I started looking for particular things, I wanted one that had a place to write in how the proposal happened so that in my most stressful days I could look at that and feel happiness again. I also wanted one that had a detailed budget outline. We decided on the Ultimate Wedding Planner and Organizer, it can be found here http://www.amazon.com/The-Ultimate-Wedding-Planning-Kit/dp/1887169733/ref=sr_1_14?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1332369905&sr=1-14
I chose it because it came with a planning book with ideas and a budget creator. It had the proposal section and it had a labeled file folder included, not to mention a pocket planning book I can keep in my purse.

I have found it useful so far, it could be because i'm in the "honeymoon" phase of engaged life. Its a lot of filling in but at the same time I want to be over prepared since I am doing this whole shin dig by myself. So I say YAY for wedding planning books.

The Early Frustrations

Everyone believes that the early engagement period will be so exciting and fun and easy; for the most part it is, however, I have quickly learned that certain things really frustrate me at this point, so here is the list:

1. When's the big day?    I got engaged last Friday people. I dont even know when the engagement party is going to be much less the wedding date. What I can tell you is the time of year, which is Spring or Summer of 2014. Then I always get the reaction-- "That's so far away"--- News flash I'm broke, Josh is broke and weddings cost a ton of MONEY. We dont want to be engaged for two years, if I could have my wedding in three months, I would. Unfortunately we need to slowly pick away at things over the next two years so that we can have our dream wedding.

2. You become engaged and all of a sudden people start magically coming back into your life. For some, this is exciting to me because its people I haven't talked to since high school who actually mean a lot to me. For others, I'm like we have never had a serious conversation in our life, why do you want to be a part of my wedding and for the really annoying ones its like hey i've been a shitty friend for years now but you're getting married and that changes everything. Spare me.

3. The real kick in the pants comes with the bridal party. Let me put this very clearly to the entire female population of the world: NEVER EVER assume that you will be in someone's wedding party. For one thing they vary in size, the second thing is that people have siblings to consider and third its just a lose lose situation for you. If you dont assume then it will be a pleasant surprise and if not then you wont feel disappointed. This has been a HUGE stress in my life because obviously the last thing I want to do is let people down, but this is also my day and I want the people that mean the most to me beside me.  I have a lot of very close girlfriends all of whom I wish could stand by me on my special day, but its not practical and too expensive right now. The point is I love all of my friends, but dont make assumptions because I dont want to break your hearts and through talking with other brides to be, this seems to be a recurring problem with the female population!

4. People planning my wedding or telling me what I need to have at my wedding. (I would like to pre-curse this by saying that I am very thankful for the work my bridesmaids have been putting into it and the advice of other brides) but the rest of the world - How could you possible know what I need in my wedding. You dont know my budget, you don't know my taste so stop blowing up my phone. I love you and I understand that everyone is excited but a girl needs a little breathing room.

5. The ring... I love showing off my ring, most of the time, but when I'm on a ten minute break from class and I need a coffee, its head down and power walking through the cafeteria so as not to draw attention. One of my good friends gave me the brutal truth, which is that once you get engaged your left hand does not belong to you for the next three months and it is so unbelievably true. So if you see me with the head down, best to avoid at all costs.

Those are my frustrations. If you fall into one or more of those categories, dont take it as a personal attack. I love you all, I know you're excited but I'm also way too overwhelmed, way too quickly! While this has been a fairly negative post, I do have to say that some of the greatest joy that I have had to date in my life, has come from laying in bed with Josh just sharing our ideas. Its really special to just lay there and dream of something that you are both so unbelievably excited for!

I promise I wont be such a negative Nancy in my next post, but some days I'm just gonna rant on here as every bride deserves to do!

The Hardware

I should start by saying that every girl is different. With that said, this was my experience with the ring:

I've known for a very long time that I would marry Josh, earlier than I ever expected to feel that gut feeling.  At first I really loved the idea of the ring being a complete surprise to me. I thought it would be nice for Josh to be able to choose whatever he wanted to give me. Then he dropped a bomb on me that changed my mind on that forever, he told me he liked "topsy turvy rings" as I like to call them. They are those rings where one side of the band wraps around the top of the diamond and the other side of the band wraps around the bottom of the diamond. They are becoming popular right now and they are not my thing AT ALL.  At that point, I didn't want to take complete control from him, but I definitely needed to steer him in the right direction, because after all this is a piece of jewellery I am going to be wearing for the rest of my life.

The next route we took was that Josh sent me a bunch of pictures of rings in a variety of styles I chose which styles I liked and despised. Then he got me to send him 10 rings that I liked without saying which ones are my preferences. He also asked me to describe my perfect ring, I said vintage, dainty and sparkly lol.  He ended up buying me my favorite without even knowing it.

The big thing you need to think about is price and carat. Josh was under the impression that all men spend around $10,000, for some woman this misconception would be a blessing, however, for me I was like if you dare spend that much money on something like a ring I will kill you. I didn't want this massive diamond on my finger because i'm not a jewellery person and I would be paranoid walking around with that on my hand everyday. Plus my big mentality is the less money that is spent on the ring, the more money that can be spent on the dress and the wedding itself. If you want more bang for your buck go with a sidestone style, it makes it look like there is more diamond in total than there actually is. My ring is also made up of Canadian Diamonds, which means that they are clearer and more sparkly.

My ring is intricate, with a beautiful vintage design and lots of detail and we can still afford to buy groceries next week.  My best piece of advice, is give the men or women in your life an idea of what you  like. Its fine to want it to be a surprise, but remember that you have to wear it for the rest of your life!!!